“You must learn…”

“You must learn to trust that there is a future waiting for you that is beyond what you might be able to grasp at this present moment”

I saw this poster and I stopped. I stopped searching for other posters. I stopped thinking. I literally stopped

I never saw my future. I can not tell you how many times I’ve sat down and saw no future for myself. I never thought I’d make it past the age of 21. I never thought I’d have any children. I definitely didn’t think I’d make it to my age I am now at 34. I still see no future. I still do not see me getting old and grey having grandchildren. I’m not sure if it’s the Bipolar or Depression that causes this, but it’s weird I think.

Every time I contemplated suicide I never thought about my future in those moments either. In those moments the only thing that mattered was that I wanted the pain to end and nothing else mattered.

I don’t think it’s healthy to not think about the future, but I can’t help myself. There just isn’t one. I don’t know anyone else that doesn’t see one for themselves.

This poster makes me want to believe I have a future. I really do want to see a future where my son is grown with his own children. I want to see a life with my husband where we’re both old and grey. I want that future everyone else sees.

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